"Alice and the Monetary Policy Committee" - A Wonderland Interest‑Rate Tale

18th March 2026

Alice had been wandering through the economic undergrowth for what felt like years when she suddenly stumbled upon a signpost. It pointed in two directions:

"Rate Cuts → This Way"
"Rate Holds → That Way"

Naturally, both arrows were spinning in circles.

"How very Bank of England," Alice sighed.

Just then, the White Rabbit dashed past her, clutching a stack of inflation reports and muttering, “Oh dear, oh dear, CPI is late, very late, terribly late!” He disappeared into a burrow labelled “Monetary Policy Committee Meeting — Mind the Uncertainty.”

Curious — and mildly concerned for the nation's mortgage holders — Alice followed.

Inside, she found a long table set for a tea party. Around it sat the entire MPC, wearing oversized hats labelled things like “Data Dependent,” “Cautiously Optimistic,” and “We'll Decide When We Decide.”

The Mad Hatter banged his teapot.
“Welcome, Alice! We're deciding whether to cut the interest rate today.”

“Oh,” Alice said politely. “And what have you decided?”

The entire table erupted in laughter.

“Decided?” the Hatter cried. “My dear girl, we haven’t even decided whether we’re deciding!”

The March Hare leaned in and whispered, “Some say we should cut. Some say we shouldn’t. Some say we should cut but only if inflation behaves, which it absolutely refuses to do. Very rude of it.”

The Cheshire Cat materialised above the table, grinning like a mortgage broker on bonus day.

“If you go that way,” he purred, pointing a floating paw toward one end of the table, “you’ll find arguments for a rate cut. If you go this way,” he pointed to the other end, “you’ll find arguments for keeping rates exactly where they are.”

“And which way should I go?” Alice asked.

“Oh, that depends entirely on where the inflation rabbit runs next,” the Cat replied, fading away until only his grin remained. “And he never runs in a straight line.”

The Governor — who looked suspiciously like the Caterpillar, perched atop a giant mushroom labelled “Forecasts” — exhaled a cloud of economic uncertainty.

“Whooooo... are... you,” he asked Alice, “to expect clarity?”

Alice tried to explain that she was simply hoping for a hint — a whisper — a clue — about whether the Bank would cut the rate tomorrow.

The Governor waved a hand.
“We might cut. We might hold. We might do nothing at all. We might do something unexpected. We might do something expected but in an unexpected way. It is all perfectly clear.”

“It isn’t clear at all,” Alice protested.

“Exactly!” the Governor beamed. “That means you’re beginning to understand monetary policy.”

The tea party cheered.

The Mad Hatter poured her a cup of tea labelled “Forward Guidance.” It tasted like uncertainty with a hint of contradictory messaging.

Finally, Alice stood up.
“So... will you cut the rate or not?”

The entire table froze.

Then, in perfect unison, they declared:

“We will cut it… unless we don’t!”

And with that, the meeting adjourned.

Alice climbed back out of the burrow, shaking her head.
She looked again at the spinning signpost.

“Rate Cuts → This Way”
“Rate Holds → That Way”

She sighed.
“Well, at least now I know one thing.”

The signpost spun faster.

“The Bank of England will do whatever it was always going to do… and explain it afterwards.”

And with that, she wandered off in search of a more sensible place — like a hedge maze, or a talking deck of cards.

Reality Perhaps
The Bank of England will announce any change or not to the interst rate on 19 March 2026 around midday.